Total Time of Reading: 5 and 1/2 minutes

The Traveler’s Curiosity

There’s a certain being that attracts attention most all the time. They turn heads consistently, they get conversations to pause and observe. A being that makes some of the toughest people feel, a depressed person feel warmth. I’m talking about a toddler. Think about it. What makes a toddler, so capturing to our eyes? Not all toddlers are cute, yet even the non-cute tend to have the same effect. Yet all other cute things don’t always have the same magnetic pull. Toddlers have something special. They send a glisten into your eye similar to the one in theirs. The way they look at the world anew in almost every moment. Their sense of adventure and lively curiosity brings more life to yours in the moment you pause to watch them.

Yet, interestingly they start to loose that magnetic pull as they get a little older, around that time when that curiosity and wonderment is replaced with shyness. The glisten in their eyes gets replaced with more worry and cautiousness. They are still cute. But that ability to make a whole room pause to pay attention stops. It’s an attractive quality we are all born into. It’s truly part of who we are naturally. That sense of wonderment and exploration seems to draw us to a feeling that seems so at home and slightly dream-like. It’s a quality that makes men and women amazingly more alluring. Sometime so much that it irritates people in feeling troubled that they don’t live life in that same state of enjoyment and fun.

This attractive quality, when found in adults, is what I call the Travelers Curiosity. Years ago, when I was in my hometown trying to attract women, my success was rare. I would fail to keep their interest, fail to approach women that I wanted to talk to, and when I did find the courage, I would often be looked over and rejected. I felt as if women that were “right for me” were rare. And it was even more rare to find one that would desire to share a coffee date with me, let alone my bed. Yet, the moment I left the country. Things would change. I would get to the airport and instantly it seemed I would begin to run into women that were attracted to me. Interesting people would pop out left and right. I would have the ease and confident ability to approach women I desired. Conversations would flow and adventures would unfold amazingly. I enjoyed life more. At first thought I was assured that other destinations where just better off than my hometown. I thought the women in these other states or countries were more my style and of my heart. I thought these other areas just had more going on. But, interestingly, when returning home, this smooth streak would continue on.

For about two weeks after returning I would find dates with ease. People seemed drawn to me and everyone at home seemed so beautiful and interesting. It felt as if the world was opening to me. The first week would be amazing. Week two would begin to loose its luster. Then week three would come, where I would find myself where I left off, unsuccessful with women and wishing to be out of the country. After noticing my success continued on a bit after my trips, I realized that it couldn’t be the location, it had to be something that the traveling was creating in me. I began to see how running into people traveling my hometown would talk of it in the same way as I did of other areas. They found wonderment, success and attraction with ease like they hadn’t had at home.
It was curiosity, pure authentic curiosity. The type you feel in your body instead of recognize in your head. It’s that state you were in as a child where everything is new, adventurous and beautiful. That feeling where your interest in exploring your curiosity was greater than your cautiousness about others opinions. When a person is authentically approaching someone in this state of overwhelming curiosity everything seems to run smoothly. They make friends easily, and find amazing experiences. When someone is in it, they don’t even have to work to get over their fear. Their feeling of curiosity overpowers their fear to the point that fear of being rejected falls to the background. They walk over in a attractive explorative state that is fundamental to us all, just often lost over the years.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you were in a state of overwhelming curiosity? A feeling where you were totally caught up in the fun and adventure of something. A time when you’re curiosity and sense of exploration could be felt in your body more than recognized in your mind. Is it rare for you to be in this state? The more you can authentically get yourself into this Travelers Curiosity, the more your life will open to you.

So how do you know if you’re in it? In approaching the opposite sex, you know that you are there, in that state, when you are almost smirking or smiling in wondering about the other person. You feel it pulsing through your body instead of just being a mental knowing. You don’t have space in your head to worry about if it will go well. YOUR curiosity has taken over more than your fear. It should feel like you just stepped off a plane into another country, eager to play, explore, discover and simply follow your curiosity.

As a practice, start asking yourself questions that bring about a state of Travers’ Curiosity. Keep working questions through your mind until your curiosity is taking over. What can you become more curious about in this moment? What assumptions about your surrounds are holding you back from really exploring what interests you? What thoughts and questions can you think about, that will get you in a state of Travelers Curiosity?

Here are some questions that make me more curios about the people I’m yearning to talk to. Most likely your curiosity building and thoughts will be different yet hopefully these will give you a start:

~”What was this person like as a child? Was she the sweetheart, the pain in the ass yet hilariously loud? Was she a princess or a tomboy?”
~”What did this person dream of being when they got older? Are they still chasing the same dream? Are they living their dream?”
~”What makes this person choose or yearn to come here (whether it be a café, club or a specific grocery store)? “
~”If I was to talk to this persons loved ones, what would they describe as being so fundamentally apart of who this person is?”
~”I wonder where she has traveled, and what pain and beauty she has seen. I wonder what she has yet to see but desires to see.”
~”What corky nerdy thing is she passionate about in her life?”
~”What would she look like when she is completely caught up in bliss? What would she look like on an adventure with me?”
~”What goofy/embarrassing experience does she have that I could just laugh at for days.”
~”What does she look like when no one else is around?” If she looks like she is hard to approach it make me curious if she is that way at home or if she is just putting up a wall because she is nervous and scared. “What might she be nervous and scared of?”
~”What goofy things does she do behind closed doors? I bet she dances ridiculously to some song… I wonder what ridiculous song it is… Def Leppard “Blood Runs Cold”? Maybe “Vanilla Ice “Ice Ice Baby” Ohhhh if that’s so please tell me she try’s to dance the running man. She probably sings “Pocket Full of Sunshine” like Emma Stone does in the movie Easy A.”
~”I wonder what she would be like in my arms… Fun and playful? Cuddly and preciously warm hearted? Vivacious and passionate?”

~ Ander Adams